A Void In You

face

2009-02-22T16:32:00.002-06:00

I have started using Facebook. It is likely to be my doom.

It's funny that I've been very busy lately but still don't have much to say. I'm trying to clean my apartment in preparation for my sister and her friend who will be staying with me tomorrow night, after we go to the Flogging Molly concert. Loud music, vegan food afterward, and a three-day weekend for the associated travel to and from Duluth (twice, to get aforementioned sister and friend to St. Paul and back). Should be fun, right?

I knitted a murloc, from this pattern for a friend's birthday. The pattern itself seems to have quite a few errors in it (miscounting stitches, wrong row numbers, etc.) but I think it turned out okay. I wasn't entirely happy with the legs and will probably try and make another murloc with the leftover yarn so I can try and fix the pattern a bit more to my liking.

That's all for now. Time to go pick up dinner and then clean and clean and clean...

teatime

2009-02-04T01:53:00.003-06:00

I made my tea properly this time--it's not bitter. I'm just drinking it too fast because the office is cold tonight. I blame groundhogs.

It's funny. I've always felt that I lived in the wrong time, but I'm never quite certain which other era I would prefer. I used to think of the distant future. Then of the hippie generation. Now, I long for 19th century Europe. I'm regressing. I'm digressing. I'm tired and cryptic, and just deleted the little word game I was playing with myself while writing this--searching for rhyming gerunds. Regressing, digressing, destressing, addressing, repressing, caressing. Oh, but I am silly sometimes.

I've found a new favorite word: absconding. As in, the night seems to have absconded with my sanity and left no forwarding address. I'm wishing for the world to warm up again so I can take walks at midnight and see the stars in their multitudes. It struck me recently that that's one of the things that most bothers me about living in the city. I can't see the stars, nor can I take late-night walks and feel perfectly safe. Perhaps unsurprisingly, I don't go out much anymore.

Another cool word I learned by watching House M.D.: myoclonic jerk--the sometimes violent muscle twitch that prevents me from falling asleep at my desk or sometimes in bed. The brain decides that the body is dying, and tries to wake it up. Does a good job, too, but I'm not dying, little paranoid brain. I'm just sleepy. Which ultimately means, I'm glad for the tea.

crystalline

2009-01-17T05:50:00.004-06:00

Reading Les Miserables makes me wish to stage my own revolution, and possibly to die nobly for a cause. At present, it is my favorite book.

On Wednesday, I wore three layers of clothing to work, and was not overly warm even inside the office (they turn down the heat at night, so I'm usually half-frozen). I called my mother yesterday evening and she said that it was -30 degrees in Grand Rapids. We are approaching Antarctic temperatures here, my friends. Wretched. It is better this morning, though I will still start my car and let it warm up before I leave work. I tried to dislodge some of the snow that has gathered in the wheel wells, on a day when the temperature did not climb above zero, and discovered that it was frozen solid, with the texture and color of graphite. In other words, immobile and almost crisp-flaky. My boots were no match at all.

It is strange. Little is happening, and yet from this view I can see the whole of my life spread before me, and the future glows like a beacon. I am content to be sometimes unhappy now, if it means that I reach that light at some time. This is, to say the least, unlike me. I am growing old and young at the same time. Perhaps there is some manner of wisdom in hope.

Or perhaps I should put down the book before it goes to my head.

merry

2008-12-25T18:03:00.002-06:00

Hi there. I'm posting this from my iPod at my parents' house. Just finished with Christmas dinner, and soon will be headed out to a movie with my sister. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

thanksgiving

2008-11-27T05:04:00.003-06:00

Hey folks, Happy Thanksgiving. I'll be spending the holiday at my friends' house, with their family. Menu includes a roasted fall vegetable galette, green bean casserole, potatoes, squash, stuffing, and turkey for the meat-eaters. I will also be bringing mushroom gravy for the vegetarians, and homemade Ginger-Lime Spiked Cranberry Sauce. In addition, we will have apple, pumpkin, and pecan pies. Mmm, nummy.

I'm at work this morning, but I'll be off tonight. Maybe I'll finally get some sleep. They've been doing construction outside my apartment for the past couple of days, so I'm really, really tired.

So. Everyone go give thanks for family and friends, eat well, and celebrate fully. Cheers!

lich

2008-11-15T08:16:00.003-06:00

Can't talk. Wrath of the Lich King is out. Must get 500 more gold for riding training. Bye now!

baracked

2008-11-05T01:38:00.004-06:00

I totally want to give Barack Obama a hug right now.

This is the first election where I got to vote for someone I truly believed in, and it paid off. I've never been so proud or pleased to be a part of this country as I am today. To quote one of my favorte TV/movie characters, Malcolm Reynolds, "We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty." George W. Bush has been in office the entire time I've been eligible to vote (despite my best efforts), and I've been disappointed in him since long before then. I am so, so grateful to see change coming, and I am so very excited for the future.

As a nation, we did something great today, something monumental and historical. Not only do we have our country's first African-American President-elect, but we also have a liberal candidate who won even though he didn't run a moderate campaign. Obama has proved once and for all it is not necessary to compromise your ideals in order to be elected. As my sister likes to tell me, ethics are sexy. More importantly, ethics, and the willingness to stick to them regardless of popularity, are the mark of an outstanding person.

Maybe one of the coolest things about this election is that it made me want to be a better person--to find out what I believe in, find out what is most important to me, and to do everything in my power to make it happen. To that end, I've recently made a personal decision to find a way to go back to school part-time (while working, of course) and get my license to teach high school English. I want to have some part in making a difference in peoples' lives. To put it briefly, I'm inspired.

My final words for tonight: Yes we did. Yes we can.

elect

2008-11-04T07:51:00.005-06:00

EVERYONE GO VOTE.

Just got back from the polling place. When I got there at 7 a.m., there was a long line, but by the time I was done at 7:40 or so, there wasn't a line at all. So, no excuses. Get out, cast your vote, get a little red sticker.

They're not just stickers, people. They're badges of honor. They let everyone know you care about what happens in your city, your state, your nation, and the entire world. When I was a kid, I would go to the polling place with my parents and I was always proud and a little jealous when they got that sticker and put it on their coats. I've been eligible to vote for three elections now, but I've always voted absentee, and I'm always disappointed when they don't send out stickers along with absentee ballots. But I've got one now. It'll probably be stuck on my purse for a good long time.

Finally... that good news I mentioned last time? I finally got hired by the company I work for (as opposed to the temp agency). This means that I get benefits now. Pretty cool, no?

gauge

2008-10-25T03:24:00.002-05:00

Before I forget to post for two weeks again...

Things are looking pretty good for the moment. I may have some really awesome news shortly, job-wise, but I'm going to hold off on saying anything for sure. I finished the first half of my mom's Christmas present, and I'm about 1/4 of the way done with my Dad's. I've cast on and started a present for one of my friends, but I'm going to have to start over again because it's turning out WAY too big. I'm not sure why... I swatched and everything. Possibly I've entered a twilight zone where none of my knitting comes out the size it's supposed to be.

Post-Christmas, I think I'm going to try and knit a sweater for myself. This one, specifically. I've been wanting a cardigan-type sweater for a while, but I can never find one I like when I'm out shopping. I think being a knitter has made me kind of picky.

Not much else to say at the moment. Halloween is coming and I don't have any plans set. I'll do a bit of traveling this weekend, but other than that, no big plans. Meanwhile, back to work/knitting.

frosting

2008-10-16T07:58:00.002-05:00

I seem to remember a poem, though I'm too lazy to look it up--something about frost on the pumpkins--that seems appropriate for today. The weather is showing evidence of winter coming. I had to scrape my windshield for the first time this morning before I could drive home from work. Last night, as I was leaving, I looked up at a cold, clear moonlit sky and marvelled at the brightness, how much sharper the moon seems in late fall than it does in midsummer. Despite the threat of coming winter, the onset of allergies and flu season, the glimpses of sunlight that grow more brief and infrequent... I love this time of year.

Tonight: Banana bread, possibly visiting my aunt, definitely soup and grilled cheese for dinner. For now, sleep.

k2tog

2008-10-14T15:11:00.003-05:00

Hi there. The scarf's finished. I still haven't done anything worthwhile with the pretty Misti Alpaca yarn, but I've started and finished a couple other projects (new mittens for me, a hat for my sister which I may have to rip out and start over again because it turned out HUGE), and I've got two other projects in progress for my parents for Christmas.

I've discovered that blogger only works intermittently on my computer at work, which is usually the only time I have energy or time to write (on my break, of course). Today I'm up early, so I have a few minutes to update. Yay me!

I used to love fall. Then I realized that many of the things I love about fall (trees, rain, etc.) set off my allergies. So lately I've been headachy, sneezy, tired, and stuffed up. I end up taking both over the counter Claritin (or the store brand, which is so much cheaper) and a decongestant in order to feel good some days. Also, I'm sad that I didn't get to go up north to see parents or friends during the peak of the fall colors. Too expensive, and I'm too busy lately. Besides, even if I do go to see them, I'm only awake part of the time that they are, and then I'm awake all night with nothing else to do. Or I switch my sleeping schedule around and end up being miserable at work for the next week because I'm exhausted. Blah.

I guess that's all for now. I'm headed down before work to see some friends tonight (so we can watch House, M.D. together). **waves** Bye now!

needles

2008-09-26T05:16:00.002-05:00

Just a quick update to confirm that I'm still alive, and to share some pretty pictures of yarn and knitting.

This would be a scarf I'm knitting for myself, as my other scarves seem to have disappeared in the vast cosmos associated with my parents' house. I'm starting to play with openwork and lace (this is a pattern called Feather and Fan, or Old Shale, depending on who you ask), and it's really quite enjoyable.

This is possibly the most gorgeous yarn I have ever laid my eyes on. I fell in love at first sight. The colors remind me of polished agates, and of standing among the trees on the shore of Lake Bemidji, on an autumn day with the changing leaves reflected in blue water.

I'd love to share the Christmas presents I'm knitting as well... but on the off chance that the recipients will read this, I don't want to spoil the surprise.

Anyway. I'm back. I'm knitting. Life is good.

spun

2008-09-12T06:37:00.003-05:00

Hi there.

Due to this weekend's festivities (Renaissance Festival festivites, to be exact), construction outside my apartment building, and door-to-door religious/political folks, I am working on a massive sleep deficit. Estimate for sleep for the past three days: 10 hours, total. Therefore, I am a bit weird and impulsive, as well as tired and grumpy.

This post actually just exists for me to say that I really really really really really want a spinning wheel, preferrably an Ashford Kiwi. And some pretty silk fiber to spin, along with wool. And hand cards to blend fibers with. I can almost kinda afford at least the wheel and the fiber. I just need to decide whether I can stand to part with $300. Oh the pain...

boson

2008-09-10T00:47:00.005-05:00

Having had enough of politics and scary uber-conservative women, I turn to science. The Large Hadron Collider is set to power up in about an hour and a half in Switzerland. This is the sort of thing that makes me wish I had stuck with physics and science in college. What could possibly be more cool than shooting subatomic particles at other subatomic particles, just to see what happens? Especially when it could destroy the world (ok, in reality that's a ludicrously remote possibility, but it sounds cooler when you pretend that they're all mad supervillians).

(Actually, there was a lawsuit about this pretty recently, with people trying to get the entire project stopped because they thought that the crazy science people would create a miniature black hole that would devour the earth. People are ridiculous.)

Here's the big thing I like about this project: among other things, these physicists are looking for a particular (predicted but currently unproven) particle called a Higgs boson. Admittedly, I'm not 100% sure what a Higgs boson really does, but from a quick scan of the Wikipedia article, it seems that it's basically the thing that gives mass to particles that shouldn't otherwise have mass, and extrapolating that out into the observable world, it's the reason why all matter has mass. Now, here's the cool part: some of the people working on this project said that the most boring result that they could get is proof that the Higgs boson exists, and nothing else. Because that would mean that they were right, and that doesn't tell them anything new. They'd rather be wrong and learn something than be proven right. And that right there is why I love science.

paling

2008-09-05T23:19:00.002-05:00

Another word about Sarah Palin: I'm sure most everyone's seen the letter written by Anne Kilkenny, who claims to have known Ms. Palin since 1992. But you never know if the provenance is really accurate, right? Well.... check out the Snopes report that verifies that Ms. Kilkenney, of Wasilla, AK, truly did write that letter (a copy of the letter is also available on the page, for anyone who hasn't read it). I love Snopes.

Note: I don't really have the resources or time to verify that the CONTENT of the letter is 100% accurate. But my guess is that it's pretty damn close, and it paints an interesting picture. I don't like her. Not one bit. She strikes me as vindictive and spoiled, as well as inexperienced. Regardless of which side of the liberal/conservative split you fall on (and I'm sure that you can guess where I personally fall), there are plenty of reasons to keep her out of the vice presidency.

verse

2008-09-04T01:37:00.004-05:00

I admit my failure--It's been a long, long time since I wrote anything resembling poetry.

Still, I read it quite a bit, out loud to myself, from my favorite books. And today I found this site: Poetry Daily. The entry from August 25, "Two Poems" by Claudia Emerson, is incredible. An excerpt:

The men faked a collective boredom, nodded, spat,
bid—and would buy it all divided: pasture,

tractor, flatbed, bulkbarns—then the house
where the auctioneer called, convincing us

to bid for all we had desired, had coveted
all those years: her hats would go for one money—

Go read the rest, and the other poem as well.

wimp

2008-09-03T01:26:00.002-05:00

I wrenched my back today while carrying two large, very heavy bags of groceries up to my apartment. It is achy and I am having a hard time finding comfortable positions for sitting while at work. Were I at home, I would go lay down somewhere. It seems that either leaning forward and resting on the desktop, or leaning all the way back in my chair are the only comfortable positions, and neither of these are conducive to doing any actual work.

In related news, I am tired. I wanted to say something intelligent about the RNC and all the scary stuff that happened to protesters before and during the convention. But I'm too tired to come up with anything brilliant. Suffice to say, I don't know anyone who was arrested, but my sister does and other people I know do, and it's an awful thing that they're being arrested for what was intended to be a peaceful protest. Also... the Republicans should know better than to host their convention in a liberal state. Just saying.

Final word about politics: I'm mildly insulted by McCain's vice presidential pick. It's like he thinks that all women are the same, and choosing one as his running mate will score him votes. So he picks an anti-abortion ex-beauty queen from a state that is (sorry, Alaska!) not a major player in the race, and he holds her up as his token female. As if women looking for a voice in the White House can't tell one woman from another. Shame on you, man. Shame.

third

2008-08-22T23:19:00.003-05:00

To answer Sharon's question: I work for the Merrill Corporation, doing project management assistant stuff. Lots of computer work, plus other things. I try not to talk about it too much, because some of what I do involves sensitive or confidential information, so I figure the less I talk about it, the better.

That said... It's list time!

The Best Things About Working 3rd Shift (discovered in less than one week):

1. Trader Joe's Irish Breakfast Tea with a packet of Sugar in the Raw and a splash of milk. Best way to get my morning started (at 11:00 p.m.)

2. Dress code = Casual Friday EVERYDAY!

3. Peace and quiet

4. Quirky co-workers--my guess is that you've got to be a little bit weird to enjoy working in the middle of the night

5. Leaving work a bit after dawn, cranking Flogging Molly on my car stereo, and singing loudly as I drive the opposite direction from all the people just now heading into their jobs, and thinking, this is bliss.

shift

2008-08-16T00:03:00.003-05:00

There's a bit of a change going on in my personal life right now: I'm switching from my first-shift, normal working day to a third-shift schedule (same job, but the different shift will supposedly get me hired on permanently faster). I worked my last day of first shift today, and I've got until Tuesday night to find a way to adjust my sleep patterns and whatnot to working from 11 p.m. until 7:30 a.m.

Right now, my plan is this: every night I'll go to bed three hours later, and sleep as long as I like (but not after about 4 p.m. any afternoon). That will put me in a place where, by Monday morning, I'll be going to bed at 9 a.m. Tonight, I'm going to bed at 3 a.m. Hence, I've got about three more hours to kill. My poor spelling and typing abilities at this moment tell me that it's going to be a LONG three hours.

Sadly, I have no stories to tell for these three hours. I was (still am) considering distracting myself with a lengthy fishing session in World of Warcraft. Fishing in the game is boring, but I want to maximize my character's skill, and it takes an enormous time requirement, and not too much in the way of thinking. Perfect for staying up til the wee hours of the morning.

I'll report back if I start getting the sleep crazies (seeing stuff, etc.). Hope the rest of you have a good night.

molly

2008-08-11T12:12:00.002-05:00

This past Saturday, I got a chance to do something that I've wanted to do for years and have never done: I got to see Flogging Molly at an outdoor concert at the Irish Fair in St. Paul.

I have a special place in my heart for Flogging Molly. They were the first band that I found on my own, without the assistance of a) hearing their music on the radio a billion times; or b) someone telling me, "hey, you ought to be listening to this." I fell in love with them almost immediately after hearing them online, and it was their heartfelt, loud, sometimes angry or mournful, but eminently hopeful music that helped to pull me through my first awful year of college.

Anyway--awesome. Outdoor concerts are officially my favorite ever way to hear music. It was a gorgeous evening, cool and clear. I was with a few friends, and we ended up WAYYYYYY in the back (my only regret--we couldn't see much of the band). Two favorite moments: Dave King saying that the sight of a young woman waving an Irish flag underneath a big oak tree way in the back was "the loveliest thing I've ever seen," (At least I think that's close to what he said--memory's a little foggy after two days); and the crowd joining in singing "What's Left of the Flag". Okay... third moment: this was the first time I heard "Whistles the Wind", and the lyrics Oh it breaks my heart to see you this way / the beauty of life, where's it gone? / Oh somebody told me you were doing okay / but somehow I guess they were wrong.

Yeah, I'm totally in love.

adelphoi

2008-07-21T14:02:00.002-05:00

An update on the mouse problem: over the weekend, I purchased one of those sonic mouse-deterrent devices. No clue as to whether it really works or not (I know they're supposed to be a grand old hoax, but I was getting a little desperate and still lack the stomach to deal with a dead mouse). I've seen neither hide nor hair of the mouse in a few days, but that may be because I've taken to sleeping with the kitchen light on, thus discouraging him from his midnight forays to my garbage can and points beyond.

In other news, I feel a bit stupid for not realizing that the etymology of "Philadelphia" really does break down to "brotherly love". I feel I can be forgiven for not realizing that "delphia" is based on the the Greek word adelphoi, meaning "brethren", but I am greatly disappointed in myself for not picking up the relationship between the phila- prefix and "love". As a lover of all things language-related, I feel I must now hang my head in shame and retire from the realm of the written word. Oh, woe.

...or not.

scream

2008-07-17T03:02:00.002-05:00

Well. I was just rudely awoken by the sound of a mouse investigating my (covered) garbage can. I saw him. He's here, hiding. Every time I turn out the light and try to sleep, he's back, scurrying around. No luck with the trap yet. I'm very very tired.

I was actually watching him for a while, by the dim light of my computer, as he scurried around in my kitchen. When he finally realized I was awake, he dove for the space behind my computer desk. I've been trying to figure out how to track him, in the hopes that I can at least chase him off or something. So tired.... and hungry, now that I'm awake. I'm half of a mind to move all my furniture away from the walls and see if I can chase him down. Pretty sure he's making his home under my fridge. God this sucks.

trap

2008-07-15T10:16:00.002-05:00

Still no luck with the mouse. As I do not have the guts to deal with a dead mouse, I picked up a real live trap last night at Home Depot and set it up in my kitchen. Again, hopefully when I get home I will have a contained mouse ready to be taken off to the park or something. I left him some peanut butter. Maybe he'll be happy?

squeak

2008-07-14T10:03:00.002-05:00

Late last night, I was sitting up and reading online a bit when I noticed it. Out of the corner of my eye, a small dark THING ran across the linoleum of my little studio-apartment kitchen.

At first I thought that I'd imagined it--after all, it was late, I was getting very tired, and I have a tendency to "see things" when I'm sleepy. Usually small dark spots on the corner of my vision that disappear when I look at them directly. And yet... I turned in my chair and sat stock-still, staring at the floor where the thing disappeared.

And then I saw it. A small, dark grey mouse popped out from under my refridgerator.

I yelled a little, a choked-back "Gyah!" as I didn't want to wake the neighbors. The mouse turned tail (as it were) and squeezed back underneath the fridge.

This was, of course, enough to both wake me up, and to make me realize just how tired I really was. I looked at the clock. It was about a quarter after midnight. I needed to sleep. But there was a mouse in my kitchen. Not such a disaster, except that my apartment consists of one room, so my kitchen is also my bedroom. A mouse in my bedroom. Eeep.

It was too late to go out and buy a mousetrap--I couldn't think of a place nearby that was open all night and stocked traps. So I did what all geeks with late-night problems would do: I turned to the internet.

A quick google search on "how to catch a mouse" turned up these instructions. I emptied my kitchen garbage can, cut up a cardboard box, and baited a toilet paper tube with a good dollop of peanut butter, and set up the trap as indicated.

Then I went to go take a shower, giving the mouse a bit of privacy in which to explore the trap. I came out of the bathroom perhaps half an hour later, hoping that I'd given the creature enough time to make up his tiny mind about whether to investigate the delicious little treat I'd left for him. Quietly, I snuck up around the corner.

No mouse. Damn.

I sat down at my computer. Fine, I thought, I'll wait him out. He was brave enough to come out while I was sitting right here last time. If I'm still and quiet, he'll come out, take the bait, fall into the garbage can, and I'll take him out and dump him in the woods somewhere. Maybe a late-night drive to the park?

So I waited. And waited. For nearly two hours. By that time it was almost 3 a.m. and I'd seen no sign of my tiny visitor. I was tired.

All right, I told myself. Maybe he'll get a bit braver if I pretend to go to sleep. I'll turn out all the lights and go lay down. Then when I hear the tube fall, I'll go take care of it.

And so I did. I turned off all the lights and crawled under my quilt, then lay there quietly, straining my ears in the dark for the sound of a mouse falling into a garbage can. It was quiet. I fell asleep.

When I woke up this morning, the first thing I did was check the trap. No mouse. Of course. I left it set.

If I'm lucky, when I get home from work tonight, I'll find a very pissed-off mouse in the bottom of a trash can. You know it's going to be an interesting day when this scenario is a positive outcome.

chandler

2008-06-05T19:16:00.004-05:00

Picking up a little late where Sharon tagged me ...

The instructions are:
1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open to page 123
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people, and acknowledge who tagged you.

Ok... here goes. The book is Raymond Chandler's The Big Sleep, which I picked up at a local book store because I realized I'd never read any of his books, and I was thinking about detective stories.

"His wife says he never made a nickel off of old man Sternwood except room and board and a Packard one-twenty his wife gave him. Tie that for an ex-legger in the rich gravy."
"It beats me," I said.

Don't know who else to tag, so... anyone who reads this, give it a shot!

stories

2008-06-05T18:51:00.002-05:00

1. The scene: 5:00 a.m., my apartment. The purply-gray dawn light is just starting to peek through my windowshades. I am asleep. My phone rings.

Me: (sleepily) Hello?
Drunk Guy: Hi.
M: Who is this?
DG: (challenging) Who is this?
M: Um, Angel.
DG: Where's Brie?
M: I think you have the wrong number.
DG: I don't think so.
M: (tired, getting grumpy and confused) I'm pretty sure you do.
DG: (angry) I'm pretty sure I don't.
M: ...
DG: You're just sitting there, staring at those thousands of gumballs...

At this point, I hang up.

2. Some bad weather rolled in this afternoon around three, and was still going when I left work around 5:30. I was driving home in the pouring rain, listening to a local radio station to see if there were any severe weather warnings out, since we've been getting threats of severe storms all day. Occasionally, I was seeing cloud-to-ground lightning strikes ahead of me to the east.

About half a mile from my apartment, I saw one solid strike and guessed by the time between the lightning and thunder that it was pretty close to where I lived. I eventually got to my building, ran inside (it was pouring rain), and went upstairs. After the requisite e-mail check and changing into non-work clothes, I happened to glance out the window.

It looked like a tree had exploded.

There are shards of wood littering the ground, and you can see the stump where it looks like it burst right out of the ground. Nothing else nearby appears to have been touched, nor does it seem like there was any fire (probably because everything is soaked through, since we've had several inches of rain today).

Pretty cool, huh?

rerun

2008-05-21T19:52:00.002-05:00

Hey everyone, it's scone night again!

Yet again, I'm baking scones for work. A couple of the women there decided to have a bake sale to raise money for the relief effort in Myanmar, so I volunteered to bake something to sell. Hence I'm bringing two batches of Lemon Cream Scones in to work tomorrow (made with this recipe plus one small lemon's worth of lemon zest in each batch). However, I did make a third batch... a secret, extra-special batch to be shared with my friends down here.

What flavor? It's a secret. I'll share on Friday (provided I remember to do so between the munching of delicious scones).

I do have some sad news to share as well. I got an email from my mother this morning. My aunt has been in and out of the hospital for more than six months. Most recently she went back in after being out for only a day because she broke her hip. (Notes for those who aren't familiar with my family: most of my aunts and uncles are fairly old, as my parents decided to have children rather late in life. My aunt, for example, is in her 70's.) Last night they discovered that she had no circulation in the lower half of her leg, due in part to a 20-year-old surgery that removed a vein from that leg to perform a heart bypass. She was scheduled to go into surgery sometime this afternoon to try and repair the leg with an artificial vein. But if that doesn't work, they will have to amputate her leg above the knee.

I was never very close to my aunt, for a lot of reasons, but this news has me kinda freaked out. There's some concern that, with how frail she's been, she won't even survive the surgery. And even if she does, she's probably going to be in the hospital for a long time.

It's kind of hard to talk about, so I'll just leave it at that for now.

brunch

2008-05-18T12:17:00.001-05:00

Know what makes a good Sunday morning?

Pancakes and The Big Lebowski.

seven

2008-05-17T01:16:00.003-05:00

I'm about to lose every inch of coolness I ever earned.

You know what movie I really want to watch right now? More than anything in the world? A few hints first: it's a musical. From 1954. It's one of my mother's favorites, and I grew up watching it on a (progressively deteriorating) VHS tape. It's got a bunch of redheaded men in it. A lot of people would say it's appallingly anti-feminist. Figure it out yet?

Yeah, that's right.

I want to watch Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

Bless your beautiful hide, wherever you may be...

scones

2008-04-07T21:50:00.001-05:00

I return victorious:

On the left: Raisin Cinnamon Nutmeg; on the right: Cranberry Lemon; in back: Cream (plain).

triangulate

2008-04-07T18:50:00.002-05:00

Tonight, I embark on a glorious new adventure, rife with challenges and rich in potential gains. The sort of challenge that separates the men (or women) from the boys (or girls). Failure, my dear friends, is not an option, for tonight...

Tonight, I make scones.

Why scones, you ask? Why, to bring to work, of course. Long story, but to sum up: yes, they have to be scones; yes, it has to be tonight; and yes, it has to be me making them. I'm actually making three batches, from two different recipes found on Tastespotting: this one (with some slight alterations), and this one. I'm rather excited--it's been forever since I tried a new baking recipe. So... wish me luck, I'm off to seek my fortune among the measuring cups and teaspoons.

tarantino

2008-04-04T12:49:00.000-05:00

A couple nights ago, I sat down with some friends to watch the movie Death Proof, and I came to a realization: I have liked every Tarantino movie I've ever seen, in spite of several factors that would logically demand that I despise them. First, I really don't like Quentin Tarantino very much. He annoys me. Secondly, his films are perversely, reprehensibly violent and gory at times. I usually hate that sort of thing--there are many movies that I avoid precisely for that reason (Saw, anyone?). Thirdly, it can't be just me who detects a serious element of misogyny in his films (look here--told you I'm not the only one), in spite of the tough, violent (surprise surprise) female characters he creates. I'm a girl, ergo, I obviously dislike misogyny.

And yet...

Pulp Fiction is still incredibly compelling, even after I've seen it several times. Death Proof doesn't even have much of a plot (summed up: creepy guy kills a bunch of women, gets comeuppance as a bunch of women kill him in a similar fashion), and it's still really good. Kill Bill 1 and 2 were gory, violent, hard to take, and managed to play on a couple of my deep fears (the part where she's buried alive made me horribly claustrophobic, even sitting in a big, open room), and I would watch them again in a second. The big famous one that I haven't seen is Reservoir Dogs, because I always thought that it would be too much violence for me to deal with... but now I really want to see it, if only to prove that I'll probably like it.

As a side note: one of the reasons I like these movies probably has to do with the soundtracks. The music in Death Proof kind of makes the movie, I think. There's a song called "Down in Mexico" by The Coasters that played during the lap dance scene, and even while I was fully engrossed in the movie, I wanted to hear it over and over again.

exhaust

2008-03-23T21:58:00.002-05:00

I am tired almost to distraction. Yesterday, I picked my sister up at the airport and drove her to our parents' house for Easter. Today, I drove back, after a day trip to Duluth with said sibling and parents. I arrived home only a few minutes ago, and I would very much like to crawl into bed, if not for the whining voice from my stomach complaining that it has not been fed since noon. So, now to find some acceptable nourishment and crawl into bed. There will be more of a story later, I think... once my brain is functioning at capacity again.

brains

2008-03-17T23:40:00.002-05:00

I'm a bit of a Penn & Teller fan (the magic part, anyway... I have certain qualms with their religious/political/ethical views, but not so bad as you'd notice).

One thing that people may also know or at least suspect about me is that I'm not big on zombie movies, and therefore I don't go see things like Dawn of the Dead or 28 Days Later or whatnot.

That said, this video kicks ass.

If I've got my story straight, this was produced for a video contest based off George Romero's Diary of the Dead. And yes, that's actually Teller talking. A little bit of background info is available from iTricks.com.

foodie

2008-03-16T17:29:00.003-05:00

A recipe (because I know Sharon likes them):

Mediterranean Pasta

6 cloves garlic, minced (about 2 TBSP)
1/2 cup minced onion
1/2 cup chopped bell pepper
1 14-oz. can diced tomatoes, drained
1/4 cup pitted chopped kalamata olives
3 cups cooked ziti pasta
Crumbled feta cheese (for serving)

Seasonings (all to taste):
Basil
Red pepper flakes
Salt
Fresh-ground black pepper

Saute garlic, onion, and bell pepper in olive oil until soft. Add the diced tomatoes and olives. Season with dried basil, dried red pepper flakes, a pinch or two of salt, and fresh ground black pepper, all to taste. Heat it all through and toss with about three cups of cooked ziti-type pasta. Sprinkle with some crumbled feta and serve. Mmm, nummy. :)

Notes: Fresh herbs are always better, of course. Fresh basil, thyme, sage, etc, would be a nice addition to this. I was just working with what I had on hand, plus the olives and feta that I picked up on a whim while I was out today.

air

2008-03-11T23:21:00.002-05:00

For the first time since I moved in here, I have the window open. Even though I'm technically in the city, the air smells good, like melting snow. I've missed having fresh air--everywhere else I've lived, even in the winter, I've kept the windows open. There's something in me that thrives on fresh air, no matter the temperature. That and the ambient noise--flowing water, far-off traffic sounds, the wind, birds when it gets warmer out. Sounds like that comfort me, remind me that the world is still alive and not just confined to the tiny space where I live.

I have been exhausted for two straight days, which means that I should go to bed very soon, and maybe wake up tomorrow feeling like a human being. The other option is nearly falling asleep at my desk tomorrow.

One last thought: I need to find someplace where I can walk around here. There's a trail up behind the apartment complex, but I need to figure out where it starts. The other option is, I suppose, stopping by Como Park on my way home at night. That's a nice place, with a free zoo and conservatory. And spring is nearly here, which makes it a real possibility. Ah, how I miss the lake...

ponder

2008-03-10T21:27:00.002-05:00

Things on my mind tonight:

1) I desperately want to be a successful writer, and now that I've got a few of the kinks worked out of my system, I think I can really work towards that. Good to have a day job, though.

2) I really am completely uncultured in the sense of alternative entertainment and travel. I grew up watching sitcoms and listening to country music. This disappoints my friends to no end, probably because I don't seem much like the type of person to watch/listen to such things. Recently, two of my friends told me that I seem like the sort of person who should be really into British comedies. This is probably true, as all things British seem to appeal to me (books, movies, TV, etc.) My coworkers are also appalled that I've never been out of the country (no, not even to Canada. Or Mexico.) and therefore I really need to make plans to go... somewhere. Britain is a natural choice. Or Ireland. Or Italy. At least Canada (I mean, we're so close already....)

3) You know the "Six Degrees of Separation" thing? Well, I like to do that in my head, to figure out how close I am to the famous types that I admire. Turns out, I'm closer than I thought to at least one of them. Yay me!

4) I should have been in bed an hour ago.

tenses

2008-03-08T18:49:00.002-06:00

A writing question for those literary folk out there:

I frequently find myself writing in the present tense when writing fiction. As in, "She walks up the stairs and turns left" instead of "She walked up the stairs and turned left." I see very few published works with this sort of tense structure. My questions are 1) Why? and 2) Does anyone else do this? It seems to come more naturally for me than writing in past tense, and yet, when I'm done with a piece, I usually go back and switch it into past tense simply because that's what I'm so used to reading. Is there an official ruling on this from the Writing Illuminati or whatever? I seem to remember hearing that writing like this is A Bad Thing and The Sign of an Amateur, but... well... I like it.

(Note: capitals denote an official tone, from someone who apparently matters.)

Not that I think I'll change how I write because of an answer one way or another. Just curious.

writer

2008-03-07T00:42:00.003-06:00

Frustrating day today, at work and after. But I picked up Fragile Things this evening (bought it new, because I decided I deserved a treat). Still loving Neil Gaiman. I've been sort of skipping around in this book, reading the poetry first--"Instructions" and "Inventing Aladdin" are amazing. Also read the Tarot card stories, and I think before bed I'll read at least one more short piece. It's an entirely pleasant way to spend an evening.

This weekend, I need to clean the apartment. It's a mess, mostly because I was gone last weekend and the weekends are the only time when I really can work up the drive to clean. Mostly when I come home, all I want to do is spend the last few hours of the day having dinner, goofing off, and sleeping.

Also, I have decided that I wish to become my own boss. I want to write for a living. I need to figure out a way to make that happen. Hopefully by writing. :-p This may have to do with the stress levels of the day. Perhaps next week, I will want to be a full-time piano tuner. It is ridiculous that I am still so flighty even at this age. Still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Hopefully someone interesting. That's kind of my guiding rule in life: "Be ye not boring." I consistently fail to follow this rule. I will try to do better.

unwound

2008-03-05T23:21:00.003-06:00

I think that cold I had a couple weeks ago, which turned into a nagging cough, has finally edged it's way towards bronchitis. In other words, I've got the sort of cough that leads folks to wonder whether I'm hiding a dog with laryngitis somewhere in my apartment. It's highly annoying, not to mention painful for my head and the bad bits of my right shoulder (pinched nerve, very ouch-y when violently shaken or tensed against said violent shaking). I cough when I speak, laugh, breathe, etc. Miserable, I tell you.

In other news... well, there's not much other news. I've been reading a lot, watching YouTube videos, sketching (poorly), writing a bit, and (oh thank God) sleeping more. I'm one of those who can't sleep when I'm ill, usually because if it involves my sinuses, things get all stuffy and I can't really breathe properly. That's led to a couple interesting drowning/suffocation dreams and many, many sleepless nights. And then there's the whole fact that I kind of hate sleeping, or really, I hate having to put down whatever I get started doing at night and go to bed. Once I'm actually in bed, it's rather nice. This all adds up to me suffering from a fairly constant sleep deficit.

So when I actually manage to force myself to get a full night's sleep, it always amazes me how good I feel the next morning. It's lovely, like fresh air and birdsong and, I dunno, sunshine, clean linens, all those things rolled up into one. You'd thing that the feeling alone would be enough to convince me to put down my book or pen or whatever and go to sleep, but no. Words and images and ideas are altogether too addicting.

In any case, I've been trying to set more reasonable bedtimes for myself lately. Midnight is my usual goal, and it seems to be mostly attainable, provided I'm home and into my "winding down" phase by about 11 p.m. Good time to catch up on my last bit of blogs and news and whatever, write a post of my own, listen to the radio a bit, whatever. Relax. And then sleep, which is where I shall head now.

obsess

2008-03-04T12:58:00.000-06:00

A short list of my current and recent obsessions:

Leonard Cohen (poetry and music)
Neil Gaiman (books)
Rufus Wainwright (music)
Les Miserables (music, book, wishing for a performance in Minnesota)
Blogging (a recurring obsession, I must admit)
MPR's The Current (89.3 Twin Cities)
House, M.D.

love

2008-03-03T23:05:00.004-06:00

I found a poem today on Neil Gaiman's blog that made me cry. The original post can be found here. It's called "Sonnet", and the last two lines blow me away.

(Edit: Poem redacted, due to the realization that hey, that was a bad idea to post something without permission. And no, no one told me I had to. Chalk it up to the aforementioned sleep deficit. Click the link, folks.)

travel

2008-03-03T00:54:00.003-06:00

Sleep will come soon, but first an update. I spent the past week bogged with the pressures of life that plague every adult. Bills, groceries, work, personal relationships... everything that needed to be dealt with. So my apologies for the radio silence. I believe I have sufficiently dealt with things for a little while, so on to other topics.

Over this weekend I decided to make a trip to points north, specifically Grand Rapids and Bemidji. The time was well-spent, and I had the chance to speak with some of the people that I have been wishing to see for a while (though certainly not all, as I was in Bemidji for less than 24 hours and had to spend at least a bit of that time asleep). But while there I managed to procure some good Mexican food, some Guinness, and (in Grand Rapids) two new-used books from a little shop where the man who runs it remembers every customer that comes through his doors.

I don't believe I can come up with any sort of coherent analysis or insight into this little trip in my sleepy state, and therefore I shall continue this train of thought later. Sweet dreams, my friends.

evening

2008-02-25T22:51:00.003-06:00

I am quite disappointed to discover that late nights no longer agree with me. I am a night owl by nature, but the necessity of working during the day has turned me reluctantly diurnal. I am too young to be nostalgic over my misspent youth, yet I find myself wishing for an all-night restaurant and friends to share the moment with. Perkins, or El Camino. Hot chocolate. Poetry. Card games. Drunken revelry. Yes, I miss it.

Work is work. I go, I sit, I answer phones and type, upload and download, and come home only to sit at my computer again for lack of other things to do. And yet I still look forward to it. Child of technology, I am. The computer is the new opiate of the masses, and I buy into it willingly. Foolish, sad, a disappointment to the rebel brewing inside. From this sort of angst, what can come but art? Facetious, too, that's me.

My book and bed call me. They wait--they are patient. They know I must soon succumb to sleep. A few pages, then, and afterwards I will rest. Tomorrow brings another day of work and melting snow.

treats

2008-02-24T17:54:00.005-06:00

An excellent reiteration of cornbread, good for dessert (tho I'd eat it for breakfast):

Take pieces of cornbread (slightly stale or dry is fine). Crumble up a bit into bite-size pieces and spread in a layer on a plate or in a bowl. Dot the surface with butter or margarine and strawberry jam. Microwave for about 45 seconds. Eat with a spoon.

I discovered today that Jelly Belly makes 7-Up flavored jelly beans. They are interesting, if not completely different from the regular lemon-lime jelly beans. Perhaps they have a bit more "sparkle" to them. The fizz, unfortunately, is only imaginary.

It has been several years since I visited a library with any frequency. Today, I went and got a library card and with it checked out two novels that I have not read yet. Perhaps this will allow me to stem the flow of money from my checking account into the coffers of Barnes and Noble. The books I borrowed are Mort by Terry Pratchett and Coyote Blue by Christopher Moore. In three weeks, I hope to have read both of them. First, though, I will finish Good Omens. Which I should get back to now.

weekend

2008-02-23T20:10:00.003-06:00

I'm not sure why I didn't finish reading Good Omens the first time I started it. I'm trying again now--started Friday afternoon over lunch and I'm not quite halfway through by now. Neil Gaiman makes me grin. If I ever got 'round to reading the Discworld books, I'm sure Terry Pratchett would have the same effect.

After a month, I have come to the conclusion that a studio apartment, while being sufficient for my basic needs (food, sleep, internet), is severely lacking in certain qualities. To wit: my kitchen, or rather, the countertop therein. I lack a place to stack dishes until I get around to washing them (yes, I wash them, frequently). There is no space to leave out my blender, nor to place a toaster should I eventually purchase one. My microwave is perched somewhat precariously atop my refrigerator. This, one may conjecture, is not ideal.

I currently have three Ziploc bowls of heavily spiced chili and most of a pan of cornbread sitting on my table. They are entirely excellent, and the heat of the chili has had the fortunate side effect of temporarily clearing my sinuses. As I am rather fond of procuring a sufficient oxygen supply for my brain, this pleases me.

My final task for this evening is laundry. If the gods favor me, perhaps I shall find an empty clothes dryer now.

pain

2008-02-22T23:12:00.003-06:00

Eventually, raw nerves go numb.

I have come to the conclusion, as most people do at some point in their lives, that everything that I enjoy is probably bad for me. Sugar rots my teeth. Staying up all night leads to a sleep-starved brain. Spending my spare time at the computer has already resulted in a pinched nerve in my neck and will probably lead to carpal tunnel. Keep going like this and I'll fall apart by the time I hit 30. This is the course of nature: everything tends towards entropy, and we humans are creatures of order. Decay, dissolution, and chaos are bad.

I am not well. This is due to my inability to behave as though I am ill when my mind is not impaired. Put succinctly: I think too much to rest well.

Perhaps the best advice that I have distilled from this short bout of illness is this: drink tea.

fascinate

2008-02-21T21:22:00.003-06:00

The world is sick and suffering. The plague is boredom. The noblest goal to pursue now is not virtue, but curiosity.

The greatest commandment is to learn, and to never stop learning. Go, grow plants, pick up a guitar and learn to play, read a book, do something. Stagnation is a sin--it is my fondest hope that staring at the TV will only placate the mind for so long until it rebels, begins a counter-offensive to maintain its integrity lest it melt in the skull. It will turn the media-bloated men and women out blinking into the light. The global subconscious will stage a revolution.

Best yet, turn off this screen. Go outside--I don't care if it's cold, grab a jacket. Make a snowman, or pick up a rock and examine the bugs crawling around underneath, or search the sidewalks and gutters for hidden treasure. Tell someone you love them, in person. Take a notebook and sketch or write about the next person you see.

Draw a deep breath and welcome the new air. You are alive. The only goal is this: be not normal.

hush

2008-02-20T23:36:00.003-06:00

I used to challenge myself to go through entire days without speaking. Silence of the mouth leading to silence of the mind, or something. Today I lost my voice to a cold. Keeping silent is infinitely more taxing when you are physically unable to speak.

Sleep does not come easy right now. I lay back, I breathe, I quiet my mind, and still my consciousness remains. Perhaps it is a jilted lover--when I ignore it for days on end until it becomes insistent and drags me to bed, perhaps it believes that I do not want it around and leaves me just when I need it most.

Tonight, maybe I can coax it back to my loving embrace.

looking for a voice

2008-02-20T01:09:00.000-06:00

Hi. It's been a while since I did this. Regularly, at least. Or without deleting the single post I made a month later because I couldn't follow it up.

Today I choose not to be intimidated by the blank page.

Two months ago, I got a job. They hired me because I was nervous during the phone interview and told them I was a computer geek. Nearly slapped myself for that after the call. Turns out that's what they were looking for. Can I call that serendipity?

Now here's the question: does it make me happy?

Jury's still out.

This is me calling out into the void. Anyone still there to hear me? I miss the folks I used to know--if you remember me, stop by and say hi.